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12/15/2005: "Scottish"

Last week in Edinburgh, on a cold and rainy Saturday afternoon, MK and I walked over to Tynecastle Stadium to watch a football match between Heart of Midlothian (known as "Hearts") and Livingston, a town a few kilometers away. We were late, and as we approached the game had started and we could hear the crowd erupt inside, echoing off the overhang that protects them from the never ending rain, and funneling the sound out sharply towards us. That we couldn't find the right turnstile to enter, in the rain, surrounded by that sound and security people who all were working their first day, was frustrating (you can't just enter the stadium, you have to go to a specific spot, which seems like it should make things quicker but not really). I've been to Detroit Lion's games in the Pontiac Silverdome (notoriously one of the roughest crowds in the NFL), baseball games in Detroit and Toronto as well as a few NBA games, but nothing can compare to the organization of that cheering and the crazy size of that sound. It makes me understand that old Pink Floyd song called Fearless (from the Meddle album) that trails off to the sound of these football chants. There's nothing like it.

The sound is like a huge flock of birds taking off. The shape is organic and constantly changing – sometimes it's big and flat, then it changes in a second to some high and sharp shape. It had accuracy and volume and was created in some of the most dreadful conditions ever (Scotland!) and we could feel it from the inside out.

We somehow had seats right at the front, a few feet from the field. When the players were near us, the wet grass and dirt the dug up nearly hit us. I was expecting the sort of stadium that Premier English teams like Manchester, Arsenal or Chelsea play in – huge things that have more in common with North American football stadiums than did Tynecastle. It was more like seeing a hockey games in terms of intimacy, holding about 18,000 people. I heard new Scottish swears (a lot of "wanker" references) and the 12 year old girl behind us kept screaming "C'mon Hearts" so many times in her rough hoarse voice that I thought she was a man until I turned around and checked.

During half time everybody files out to the area under the stands and smokes and drinks this awful smelling Bovril which is some kind of broth thing which would be unacceptable anywhere but the UK. I didn't have any because I didn't believe that it wasn’t' made with ox-extract, but Wikipedia says the switched to vegetarian yeast to quell fears of mad cow disease. People stood in long lines at halftime to get it. I waited by the window, surrounded by 5000 chain smoking Scots. The entire country is a big astray – all my clothes, skin, hair, and I suspect organs, stunk of smoke. They're going smoke free soon though. But this Bovril stuff, it's so bleak. Like, the weather is so bad, that they'll drink this awful thing to forget about it.



We were soaked – because we were front row, we were right under the lip of the overhand, so these huge drops would collect, then fall on us. I wrapped my scarf around my head to try and stay dry. We took these pictures secretly with MK's fancy British camera phone that has more megapixels than my proper digital camera.

There were signs all over warning that sectarian and racial violence would not be tolerated. I was told that people have been known to throw bananas at the black players. Here in Malta, my dad says that often people make monkey sounds when the black players are nearby. Part of the reason we had to go through specific turnstiles is that home and away fans are kept separate. Even though Livingston is almost a suburb, the fans said the most awful things about them. Here in Malta, when the Valetta team is playing, people shout "do you know who your father is", a reference to it's past reputation as a prostitutiony place.

After the game, we walked back into town, past pubs that said "home fans only", trying to find some place warm to get someplace to eat. We did find one place, and it was warm, but they only served lunch. Finding food was the most difficult thing in Edinburgh. You can't eat past 8pm I think. We got bamboozled into drinking pints all the time, and then no food. Scotland was always a mythic place in my mind, the place where some of my ancestors came from, as well as so many Toronto-ish things. I didn't expect American hot dogs that applied their own condiments.

Replies: 12 Comments

on Thursday, December 15th, MK said

I feel it is my duty to inform you all that Shawn exaggerates! Scotland is lovely and Bovril is delicious (I know cuz I had some at the game). The Scotch pie I had at the game gave me indigestion, though.

on Thursday, December 22nd, maku said

hallo..
i was peeping spacing.ca and i saw an article bout 'maltese graffiti' which you (shawn) wrote. imo that type of graffiti is nothing typical of malta. you can find that anywhere, in any country. for umm.. 'real' graffiti from malta check out www.maltagraf.cjb.net.

i'm doing a blog about contextual art and design (malta and international) which you might be interested in - http://riotanddesign.blogspot.com

:)

on Sunday, January 8th, jason said

dear god. that 'hot dog man' is utterly disturbing.
do i just have an overly vivid and pornographic imagination?
does no one else see how his ridiculously massive johnson is just dragging on the ground in front of him?
or does everyone see it and are just too embarrased or polite or mature to comment on it?
do i ask too many questions? am i bugging you?
i don't mean to bug you.

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